Dream Journal ft. Teacher

So last night’s dream features my teacher, d.l., from my blog “our teacher is bullying us.”

I was in elementary or Kintergarden, we were learning colors so whatever grade you learn to draw and color in. My teacher is d.l., she gives us an assignment and I partner up with someone. We all had one bowl per pair of students. Our assignment was to make a color with food coloring in our half of the bowl while our partner made a different color in their half. We did so, but then it started bubbling up, which turned our project white from the bubbles somehow. I went crying to our teacher, explaining how it somehow turned white and she yelled at me, leaving my partner out of it, explaining how I was a failure and tried to show me how it was done, but when her example failed to turn colors she got even more mad at me saying how she couldn’t believe I would do something like this.

I don’t remember the rest of the dream.

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Our teacher is bullying us (Rant)

Hi! Let me start off by saying I’m in school for my esthetics license, so the activities named will not be normal college activities.

When I first started school I had a wonderful teacher, who we’ll call t.s., but her job was to teach the newer students so we had to switch on week 10. Then our second teacher, s.v., was the best teacher I’ve ever had, she was like a best friend filled with knowledge, and she was very very patient, understanding and cooperative with all of us, but despite her being like a best friend, she was still mature, did her job well and carried herself in a professional way. Everyone loved her and there wasn’t a mean bone in her body. When we would make mistakes while practicing our facials on one another, she would coach us and tell us how to improve, as most teachers would and she did it nicely, checking up on us all even if she couldn’t see that we needed help. Well, time passed and she eventually quit so she could work in a medical spa, which none of us held against her, I would rather work there too. We all held a party for her and gave her presents and cried.

Once she left we all got transferred to another class, the class of d.l.. In the beginning she was, of course, relatively nice, seemingly a normal teacher. On the first day, however, she tells us a story about how a former teacher didn’t do her job right and misled her students in a waxing incident and chaos broke loose and she came in to save the day– she did not know, however, that the teacher she was talking about happened to have already told us what really happened that day and that teacher happened to be s.v., that should have been a red flag in the first place. When we would make mistakes in facials she would make sort of a scene about it in front of the class, emberassing the person she’s talking to, but that’s just how she is right? We all just left it alone, we were annoyed, but we left it alone.

Eventually we noticed that she chooses certain students to pick on more than others, and then certain students to befriend and talk to constantly and never check up on. She would hover over some of us making us so nervous we couldn’t accomplish anything and then never check any of the other students, as if they didn’t need help ever.

It’s gotten far worse lately, and we’ve realized she’s just not ok with being wrong. The other day my friend (we’ll call her J) was giving me a facial and d.l. came up and asked what products she was using with an accusing tone in her voice. J told her what she was using, but when it came to the masque d.l. stopped her and asked if she had mixed it with anything. J said no, because nobody had told us yet that we needed to mix them. D.l. then started on about how she needed to mix it, with a superior tone in her voice, and told her to get up from the facial and go get another masque. J did so, and she came back with a new colloidal oatmeal masque that did not need to be mixed with anything. J then sat back down, and as soon as her butt hit the chair, d.l. asked what masque she had. She told her that and how she didn’t mix it with anything because it was the one that you didn’t need to mix with anything, and then d.l. replies with “nope. That’s still not right, you need to mix all of our masques with an additive” and left the room to check. J then follows her, knowing she was wrong and that she read the label. D.l. realizes and apologises outside of the classroom privately, but then comes into the classroom to yell about J’s “mistake.” Things similar to this happen every once in a while. We are students, we learn by making mistakes, something d.l. doesn’t quite seem to grasp.

So after she’s done with my facial, we switch off and I’m now preforming the facial on J. D.l. comes and stares at me while I’m doing this, so I become very uncomfortable and anxious, (I have severe social anxiety and any time I think I may be doing something wrong I shut down and can’t preform basic functions) she then asks what products I’m using and I can’t even say anything at this point, she scares me so much that I couldn’t recall any of the products I’ve been using. I knew that if I said I’m using something wrong for J’s skin type that she would ask why and I couldn’t bring my thoughts to words, and I knew if I said I don’t remember that she would say I am irresponsible and how she can’t let me be an esthetician if I can’t recall them. (Also a little detail, I have a bad nervous laugh and she is very aware of this) I was laughing nervously when she says “I need you to take this seriously” and I tell her I am and remind her of my problem, she then says “ok well no matter what, if you’re laughing you aren’t taking this seriously enough” and I know I don’t need to explain why this is a disgusting statement. Then after class while my grandma is waiting for me in the car for 30 minutes because my car is in the shop, d.l. keeps me, telling me how I need to step it up and that I am not taking her class seriously enough and when I remind her of my nervous laugh, I shit you not, she says “I get that but I’m going to need to ask you to stop doing that.” So she brings up J and how I felt when she didn’t know what masque she was using.. I wasn’t sure how to respond, considering she did know exactly masque she was using, she just had to go back and get another one… because she made her, but I replied with “well I don’t mind, I trust all of the masques we have here at our school and I know they aren’t dangerous” her response “ok so you should be more cautious about what is put on your skin, because what that’s telling me is that you aren’t a very good esthetician and I wouldn’t want to come to you for a service.” Ok great the less I see of you the better (obviously didn’t really say that but thought it)

Tip: d.l. says for us to contact her any time we need, even if we just need to talk to someone, which is greatly appreciated.

Foreshadowing: I text her at night crying my eyes out explaining how my family was having an actual crisis and that I may be late to school tomorrow because we need to deal with this asap

Fast forward to today since I can’t name all of the times within the last few months incidents like this has happened because this post would never end- we’re practicing a hands on test called state board, and I forget to wet my cotton pads before hand. No big deal, my classmates do it all the time, I’ll just wet them as I go. So I’m doing state board and there’s a makeup portion, I get in my bags and pull out all the supplies I need, I come across eyeshadow applicators, which I forget why they’re there but they were there for lipstick. I get to the lipstick part and try to get back into my bags, she catches me and tells me not to do that. Then my friend kindly gives me some of hers, which d.l. sees and says “no ma’am, you may not help your classmates” so I’m pretty emberassed right now. But my makeup is doing pretty good and overall my test went nicely.

Once everything is done and I’m done washing my makeup brushes I come back into the classroom to pack up my things, and she’s waiting for me in an empty classroom so I guess I was the only one that cleaned up my brushes. I’m packing up and she says “so how did you feel about state board today?” Thinking it was an innocent enough question, I reply with “I felt pretty good about it!” And her response is “ummm no ma’am, you were completely unprepared and all of your classmates were waiting on you every portion of the test, and you sanitized your hands a third of the times you should have and honestly I should have sent you home, but I was being nice.” I was so confused at this and very, very offended, considering I was done before my classmates on every portion of the test, I only made 2 mistakes and I sanitized my hands every single round not skipping a beat. I looked at her with a “what the fuck did you just say to me?” face. She then brought up how I texted her too late at night and how that was just totally unacceptable.. that my family was having a crisis and that I might not make it on time the next day.. as if little bloops on her phone would wake her up or as if she wasn’t meant to read those texts the next morning.. how dare I use the thing she said we could use when we needed after she said she’s there for us whenever we need. No! She then added “you had your hand in your crotch the entire makeup portion and your model felt very uncomfortable, would you want someone doing your makeup with their hand in their crotch?” My hand was between my legs for stability, I was leaning on my leg with my arm, also she didn’t talk to my model and just assumed she felt uncomfortable and lied to me saying she felt uncomfortable, and I know this because I was in the class and watched her not talk to my model even once.

She actually does this thing a lot where she makes up things snd tells people they said them to make them feel bad. We have client cards for the clients to give feedback on their service and ways to improve and the other day I had a client come in for a facial and d.l. told me that this lady was very uncomfortable because I was laughing at her the whole time, when she left nothing written on her card. I know that because I saw the card. And the other day she told me that this one lady that works at the school sees me with my phone all the time and wants to make us stop taking our phones in class, when I am on my phone half the time the other students are, and I know this because I get on my phone during breaks while my classmates get on their phones while d.l. is talking as well as breaks. I also know that this lady did not say that because that is not the type of thing she would say.

My teacher acts like a blonde drunk girl trying to get her way basically and I’m sick of it. My classmates all have similar stories to all of these and they want a new teacher. Is this bullying? I’m not really sure, feel free to agree or disagree with me, it’s just irritating when a teacher who is supposed to help you and form your skills acts superior to you and goes out of their way to disrespect, humiliate and degrade you.

Oof this post has exactly 2,007 words including the words past this point. It’s like an essay but actually satisfying to get off my chest. I’m better now.

Dream Journal

WARNING!! Explicit.. and somewhat emberassing dream here

I was living with my grandma and I was currently obsessed with the line “my pussy glitter is gold” from Cardi B’s ‘Bodak Yellow’, so much so that I was trying to lure her out of the house so that I could melt down some gold lipstick, mix it with gold glitter, inject in inside my vagina, push it out, film it and put it online titled “my pussy glitter is gold”. (I never accomplished it, I don’t remember why though)

I’m glad I’m anonymous on here 😄😂

Dream Journal 

(I’m not sure why this was a draft instead of being posted, I thought I posted this weeks ago)

I’m outside, not sure where but it’s a wooded area. I’m hanging out with Amy Schumer, having a good time when I hear some guys rough housing. I later notice it is my boyfriend (I’ll call him peter) and two of his friends, and I’m watching them until they go too far. They have chainsaws and one of them casually cuts Peter’s leg off and laughs hysterically. The other one does the same with his remaining leg when I come running, I grab a chainsaw and cut Peter’s friends’s bodies in half but by that time they’ve cut his arms off as well and can’t stop laughing. Both halves of their bodies fall into a body of water nearby, and their upper halves come crawling out at us, and like piranhas they start shredding in between Peter’s legs until I cut their heads off and then in half. I then lay down beside Peter worried to death and cradle his pale, almost lifeless body. I try to take him to a hospital but he says he’ll be alright like they do this all the time. I sit with my hand behind his head, kissing him until I wake up.